its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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