he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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