I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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