Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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