I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You work out of a Hotel?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
