I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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