At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
