You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
