when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
