**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
