Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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