We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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