just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
