There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
