This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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