You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
