she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
