So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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