How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
