I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
