After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
