So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
