"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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