update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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