Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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