I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
