omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
