Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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