This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
