O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
