Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
