Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
