I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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