apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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