That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
