it hurts more in the daytime
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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