toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
