I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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