I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
