His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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