you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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