So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
