I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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