You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
