I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
then he tried to convert me to islam
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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