She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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