He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
ttyl tear gas
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
