The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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