What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
