I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm always down for nudity.
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