Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
