she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
