If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
